Tag Archives: comedy

Kids: Change the $^*#&% Toilet Paper Roll – A Video

I had the house to myself yesterday so I made a video.

Enjoy!

Advertisements

3 Comments

Filed under comedy, humor, mothering, parenting, video

Don’t Call Me Ma’am

MA'AMWORKING

(Post Featured on Freshly Pressed!)

There is a single word in the English language that has the power to ruin my whole day.  That word is Ma’am.

I could be having a perfectly fine day – a great day even – the kind of day where my car starts on the first try, my kids get off to school without a ton of screaming and, when I check myself in the mirror I actually think, “Hey, I don’t look half bad.”

Then I stop by the local coffee place and the hipster barista dude, the one who wears the gross earring gauges, hands me my non-fat latte and says, “Here you go, Ma’am.”

Ah, come on.  Really?  Did you have to?

Of course I politely say “Thank you,” back to the little whippersnapper, but in my head I’ve added a very irritated, “Don’t call me Ma’am, d#$%khead.” Continue reading

552 Comments

Filed under aging, beauty, comedy, culture, Uncategorized, women

Teachers – Give Us Parents A Break!

I know it’s a huge cultural taboo to criticize teachers, but they are not always perfect and I can’t keep quiet about this any longer.

My beef is with the relentless assignment of outside projects.  I am fine with kids doing regular homework, but don’t teachers realize how much time and money these extra projects cost us parents? Continue reading

16 Comments

Filed under comedy, education, Family, humor, kids, mothering, parenting, Uncategorized

Book Excerpt from “Where to Dump a Dead Body . . .”

Yesterday I took Buddy to get his shots in case we have to board him during our vacation. I’m really hoping that our friend Barry will house-sit and watch Buddy because he gets so nervous at that boarding place. (Buddy, not Barry) The other dogs frighten him, especially the small ones.

When the vet returned Buddy to me after giving him his shots she apologized about the smell. I was confused at first but then suddenly overcome by the most rancid odor I had ever smelled in my life. The vet explained that Buddy got scared and released the contents of his anal sac.

Huh? I had never heard of such a thing. She said that some dogs do this when they’re incredibly nervous. “Buddy is emotionally delicate. He’s a very insecure dog,” she added.

I immediately took this as an affront. “But, we’re home with him all the time. Buddy knows how much we love him . . . and I hardly ever look at other dogs when we’re out together.”

Maybe it hurt his feelings when we watched that Youtube video of labradoodle puppies the other day? We’ll have to be more discreet with our puppy porn.

The odorous experience left me traumatized. Like a natural disaster victim who feels compelled to share their adrenalin-fueled tale of survival, I had to tell the story of the vet visit to every member of my family. Each time I described the horrible stench, Buddy would look at the ground and groan, “I am so ashamed.”

Finally, my eldest daughter issued an edict that the words “anal sac” could never be uttered in our home again. I reluctantly agreed.

The odor has persisted well into today and it is not helping my mood any. I try to block it out as I look over the notes that my friend gave me about my book. She said that I needed to cut way back on the mom character, even insisting that the mom can’t go on the fantasy journey with the kid. “No kid wants her mom on her fantasy journey,” she said. Maybe she’s right. I don’t know. But, if I cut the mom out then I’ll have to lose the mom’s love interest, Rolf, the hunky Nordic ski instructor. I love Rolf, the hunky Nordic ski instructor. I miss him already. In any event, I should probably hang on to those Rolf pages for when my book is made into a movie and Jennifer Anniston demands a beefier part.

“Don’t you think you are getting a little ahead of yourself?” Buddy interrupts.

Oh, who asked you?

“You seem stressed out and insecure. Maybe you should release the contents of your anal sac? That always makes me feel better.”

Something to think about.

9 Comments

Filed under comedy, culture, Family, humor, kids, life, mothering, relationships, Writing