Category Archives: mothering

Kids: Change the $^*#&% Toilet Paper Roll – A Video

I had the house to myself yesterday so I made a video.

Enjoy!

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Filed under comedy, humor, mothering, parenting, video

Featured on WordPress Mother’s Day Blog & a post

I’m honored to be featured in a special WordPress Mother’s Day Feature on MomBlogs!  Thanks WordPress and welcome new WordPress visitors!

As Cheri wrote in her lovely post, I write about life with my three daughters, my aging and heightist mom, or about things that irk or baffle me.  Really, I write about whatever I want to write about, damn it.

In honor of Mother’s Day, here’s a piece I’ve written about my mother.

“LUNCH WITH TWO WOMEN NAMED JOAN”

also known as, MY 85 YEAR-OLD MOM AND HER FRIEND HAVE LUNCH, CATFIGHT ALMOST ENSUES

Two Women Named JoanWhen she was ten, my mother met a girl who shared her first name. They quickly became best friends and stayed so for the next 75 years. Together they shared schoolyard memories, weddings, and years of family get-togethers.

But in the year and a half since my father passed away, my mom had not been able to see her best friend, Joan, because they live an hour apart and neither could drive on the freeways. (Though unfortunate for them, likely countless lives have been saved by their motoring absence.)

My brothers and sisters and I felt badly about the situation especially because this was when my mom needed her friend the most, in the lonely time that followed the loss of her husband of sixty years. So first my brother and I decided to reunite the two Joans through email.

But as much as we tried to simplify the process, our Joan could not, or rather would not, embrace the use of a computer. At each tutorial she would play along and pretend to listen to us, while refusing to let anything sink in. Though my mom would nod or respond occasionally with an “Uh-huh,” I knew she was secretly worrying if we’d finish the tedious exercise before the start of Dr. Oz. Frankly, we could have gotten more genuine cooperation from my cat. Continue reading

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Filed under Family, humor, mother daughter, mothering, Uncategorized, women, Writing

Teachers – Give Us Parents A Break!

I know it’s a huge cultural taboo to criticize teachers, but they are not always perfect and I can’t keep quiet about this any longer.

My beef is with the relentless assignment of outside projects.  I am fine with kids doing regular homework, but don’t teachers realize how much time and money these extra projects cost us parents? Continue reading

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Filed under comedy, education, Family, humor, kids, mothering, parenting, Uncategorized

I’m Just Like Honey Boo Boo’s Mom!

Help! I don’t know how it happened but somehow I’ve turned into Honey Boo Boo’s mom.

Check out my guest post on LA Parent.

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Filed under comedy, Family, humor, kids, life, mother daughter, mothering, parenting

The Most Un-Cool Mom Ever – Guest Post on Ooph

Check out my post on Ooph – Stefanie Mullen’s website for parents of teens and tweens.

I’m so uncool!

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Filed under culture, Family, humor, kids, life, mother daughter, mothering

Book Excerpt from “Where to Dump a Dead Body . . .”

Yesterday I took Buddy to get his shots in case we have to board him during our vacation. I’m really hoping that our friend Barry will house-sit and watch Buddy because he gets so nervous at that boarding place. (Buddy, not Barry) The other dogs frighten him, especially the small ones.

When the vet returned Buddy to me after giving him his shots she apologized about the smell. I was confused at first but then suddenly overcome by the most rancid odor I had ever smelled in my life. The vet explained that Buddy got scared and released the contents of his anal sac.

Huh? I had never heard of such a thing. She said that some dogs do this when they’re incredibly nervous. “Buddy is emotionally delicate. He’s a very insecure dog,” she added.

I immediately took this as an affront. “But, we’re home with him all the time. Buddy knows how much we love him . . . and I hardly ever look at other dogs when we’re out together.”

Maybe it hurt his feelings when we watched that Youtube video of labradoodle puppies the other day? We’ll have to be more discreet with our puppy porn.

The odorous experience left me traumatized. Like a natural disaster victim who feels compelled to share their adrenalin-fueled tale of survival, I had to tell the story of the vet visit to every member of my family. Each time I described the horrible stench, Buddy would look at the ground and groan, “I am so ashamed.”

Finally, my eldest daughter issued an edict that the words “anal sac” could never be uttered in our home again. I reluctantly agreed.

The odor has persisted well into today and it is not helping my mood any. I try to block it out as I look over the notes that my friend gave me about my book. She said that I needed to cut way back on the mom character, even insisting that the mom can’t go on the fantasy journey with the kid. “No kid wants her mom on her fantasy journey,” she said. Maybe she’s right. I don’t know. But, if I cut the mom out then I’ll have to lose the mom’s love interest, Rolf, the hunky Nordic ski instructor. I love Rolf, the hunky Nordic ski instructor. I miss him already. In any event, I should probably hang on to those Rolf pages for when my book is made into a movie and Jennifer Anniston demands a beefier part.

“Don’t you think you are getting a little ahead of yourself?” Buddy interrupts.

Oh, who asked you?

“You seem stressed out and insecure. Maybe you should release the contents of your anal sac? That always makes me feel better.”

Something to think about.

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Filed under comedy, culture, Family, humor, kids, life, mothering, relationships, Writing