Ladies and gentlemen, I’m your host, Heather Reese, blogger from My Husband Ate All My Ice Cream. We’re live at the 2013 Blogger Idol Pageant and relieved the horror of the swimsuit competition is behind us! Let’s move ahead as we’re only weeks away from crowning the next Blogger Idol!
We know our contestants can write. This next segment will reveal just how fast two of our finalists, Kristen Hansen Brakeman and Liesl Testwuide, can think on their feet. Our judges have been given questions to ask each finalist and they’ll be scored on their answers.
Let’s begin with a question for Kristen from our first judge, Mother Freakin’ Princess (MFP).
Judge #1: Kristen, I’m a modern day princess who enjoys mountain biking and cooking, so naturally I want to know, what do you think about the recent government shutdown?
Kristen: Oh, totally great question! I’m such a big fan, MFP, because I love pink just like you! I believe the government shutdown is totes important! In fact, it’s just like my platform, “Books for Convicts.” I believe that if we give convicts books, then they could read books and then they’ll know so much more, and then I believe they could read books to sick children, the elderly and the homeless, and that is why I believe feeding the hungry during the government shutdown is so important! And so is, “Books for Convicts!” Thank you!
Okay, uh, next question.
Judge #2: My question is for Liesl from Hairpin Turns Ahead. My blog is called I Need a Playdate. Besides a blogger, I’m a parent, teacher and have held a myriad of jobs, from pizza delivery person, to sex toy consultant. Therefore, I’m interested to learn your views on U.S. child labor laws.
Liesl: I’m not knowledged in child labor laws. I had my first child at 33. I’m 50% definitely sure I’m likely against child labor laws. For instinct, if a 13 year-old asks for a urinal- – I mean an epic urinal, during labor, it shouldn’t be illegal. Let’s face the facets. 16 year-olds have been impregnable long before the Surgeon General put warnings on cigarettes. Needles to say, if a girl chooses to give birth assisted by an alewife or in a hospital, child labor laws shouldn’t intrafere. In finality, for the sake of our U.S. American youths, let’s repeach child labor laws.
Kristen, the blogger, Insane in the Mom Brain has your question.
Judge #3: Kristen, I like to perform musicals for my cat, so obviously I’m curious, what else can we do to fight terrorism?
Kristen: Yes! OMG! Yes! I have so much experience with this subject Miss Insane, since my cousin’s dog sitter (spay and neuter your pets, folks) knows tons about terrorism! I believe, that like most things, terrorism begins in the home. I believe my new platform, “Habitat for Hookers,” addresses this problem dead on. So if we work together to get hookers into every home, I believe we can turn frowns upside down and seriously fight terrorism much better! Hookers and Families Unite! Go USA!
Judge #4: Liesl, I write Red Vines and Red Wine. My readers are loyal because I inform them on issues I’m passionate about. I’d like to learn about your passions. In particular, do you favor vaccinations?
Liesl: To vaccination or not to vaccination? That is the question. See what I did there? I just quotationed Shakespeare. I sooo heart Pinterest! Well, duh! Everyone should have two vaccinations a year. When married, our family vaccinationed at Disney. In winter, we had Puerto Rican or Mexican vaccinations. I vaguely recall Jamaica. That vaccination wiped me out. Now divorced, I lust for a vaccination with a handsome, single doctor. That would be so hot!
Now, because there’s always a twist in Blogger Idol, the finalists will ask each other a question. Liesl, you’re first.
Liesl: I didn’t expect this. I’ve got no more notes scribbled on my hand. Okay… Kristen Hangsin Breakroom: You often find humor in the mundane. You write about life as a Sandwich Generation mom, since you keep tabs on your aging mom and three kids. Why?
Kristen: Oh, Liesl, my pageant BFF, why indeed! I believe it’s because I love, lo-ve, lovvvve writing about everyday things, like the time I found out my kids didn’t know how to use a butter knife, and how I have to remind my mom that I, “Just had lunch with you yesterday, and I don’t need to come back today!” That’s why I have a new platform, “Whitman Samplers For The Elderly!” Yay!
Liesl, BFF, it’s my turn to ask a question. Your writing is laced with humor, even when dealing with serious subjects. You’re raising three boys, starting a new career, and as you’ve shared in the past, faced some obstacles along the way. Where does your humor come from?
Liesl: Regardlessness of my struggles, affirmative action – the idea that my glass is half full, is my saving grace. I focus on the power of positive thinkingness. Daily affirmativations lead me to positive action. My sons have lots of flatulation, too. So inconclusive, I’d say affirmative action and my boys’ farts keep my humor alive.
Thank you judges and contestants.
Audience, their fate lies in your hands. If you believe Kristen Hansen Brakeman and Liesl Testwuide, of Hairpin Turns Ahead, should advance in the competition, give them your vote.